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i don’t drink so I sipped my water but the boys had a few as we threw a couple of classic old stories around and took a good look as we were all gonna 4 corner it in just a few hours…i went home, the idea being to pack, but for what?..how do you pack for a book tour?…not quite the military mentality of a rock and roll tour…got 4 hours sleep and was on my way to the airport for the 4 1/2 hr flight to san francisco…my good friend joe shanahan came along to keep an eye on me…san fran was filled with smoke from some fire, and the first blast of air there was like someone peeling paint by lighting it on fire…had some time, took a walk down to chinatown and found some dim sum yum, back to the hotel, did 4 interviews on the phone, over to live 105 to yuck it up about, you guessed it, alternative rock, and then off to the Herbst theatre…met some really great fans outside.,..some had come from texas, some from ireland, lots of far places I never heard of…went in, did a speak/sound check, did another interview, and then went to eat with the evenings moderator stephen elliot and illinois notable/author dave eggers…(I know, name dropping>>>) everyone was nice, funny, and of course well read and we argued about art vs art and all sorts of stuff….my steak came late, wolfed it down in 5 minutes, and it’s back to the theatre to pray and bam1 I’m on stage talking about my favorite subject which is me vs non-me…alright, too much detail I’m sure but it all went great, had a few laughs, the talk was interesting I hope and I signed some 700 books until they threw us on the street gently…good fun for all…thanks to all the nice fans that I met, it was a memorable evening, especially for someone who had been in a studio for 10 weeks straight and was/is scared of his own shadow…off to nyc!!! bc
The best part of going to new york is that I get to see yelena…the hardest part of going to new york is that my past there seems to hit me upside the head in the most ungraceful way…it wasn’t that long ago that I was here for 9/11 and the whole world seemed about ready to go up in flames…i was living in new york, trying to make things work, trying to put together zwan, trying to move on from the pumpkins…forwards, backwards, let’s just say I was a bit lost…i moved forward as if I knew what I wanted, what I was doing…i kept a decent game face and about this time 3 years ago it all unraveled into tragedies both personal and wide, and they all now mix in my mind like some lonely day long gone…so here I am now, so sure of myself…i got words and new tunes in my pocket (2 albums+ in fact) and new hopes and dreams that can’t be fixed and are better off maybe as junk…and everywhere I go it’s the same question…”why?” and the same fucking answer, “because”…we had the signing here at the virgin megastore in union square…everyone was nice, the staff, the fans, the interviews, in fact there wasn’t an unpleasant thing I could tell that happened, but the end result left me feeling weird and sad…there is something about new york that strips people of their ability to simply connect…i suppose you could say I’m asking for a lot when my encounters are limited to a hello and a quick autograph, but the real reason that I get on a plane and sit in an uncomfortable chair while people gawk and stare and point and lay trips on me good and bad is because I am not afraid…i am here…i do not live in some ivory tower, unavailable to all…i am right here, and yet it surprises me that some of you aren’t there too…i don’t mean in person, in spirit…this is our chance, our moment to know, to see, to reconfirm that it is worth it…it goes beyond a dirty alley or a shiny cd into a respect for the mutual humanity at play…it’s all a game, because it could just as easily be the other way around…you could be sitting in the chair signing away and I could be the fan in line, armed with a note or a poem or my band’s demo or the ultra obscure question that’s been dying to be asked…what made me sad yesterday was that in the majesty of that moment not much happened happened…there were many hellos, many fans (they told me it was the biggest book signing they have ever had), and lots of wonderful compliments thrown my way, but I felt that we all got let down…maybe it was the day, and possibly it was me, but it reminded me of times when the mighty pumpkin circus would arrive in town, fireworks at the ready, angels and devils in tow, we’d fire it up and people would just stare…now, in hindsight, many wish they’d breathed it all in just a little deeper, took that one more long look cause it’s gone…that’s what I’m trying to say here…i’m here, and I wish you could see what I see…god bless you, I love you all very much bc
